The Tween Shopping Survival Guide: A Parent's Journey from Liberty Print Smocked Dresses to String Bikinis
The loss of your illusions and learning that what you like does not matter anymore.
So there I was, blissfully navigating the world of school uniforms and sensible mary janes at my daughters all girls Manhattan private school, when suddenly my rising seventh grader announced she needed tube tops for the socials at her six-week sleepaway camp in Maine. The last time I wore a tube top was during freshman year of college on my spring break trip to Cancun in 2001. I was 18 years old, not 12 and a half. I was hoping to hold on to the “no tube tops” rule a bit longer - but not having the right outfit for a coed social when you attend an all girls school AND an all girls camp felt like high stakes.
After my initial objection, my younger daughter smelled trouble and chimed in that the ONLY acceptable outfit for socials is tube tops and denim shorts or tube tops and sweatpants. Imagine that. Despite spending most of their time bickering over whose turn it is to choose the Netflix show, my daughters instantly transform into a formidable alliance the moment they both set their sights on the same goal—suddenly becoming thick as thieves with the strategic coordination of a well-oiled defense team, complete with synchronized eye rolls and perfectly timed "but Mom, everyone wears that" arguments. God I hope it is a rainy summer in Maine
I used to scour The Real Real for Bonpoint and emerge victorious with a collection of smocked liberty print dresses that would make any grandmother weep with joy. Now I have officially entered the bermuda triangle of tween fashion where childhood innocence meets adolescent sophistication and they have started speaking in terms of “crop tops” and “hotty hots”.
This isn’t the Michelle Tanner era of overalls and scrunchies, nor is it the Lindsay Lohan Parent Trap summer of cargo shorts and camp t-shirts. The transformation is swift and merciless. My girls recently came with me to my physical therapy session and I caught myself in the mirror wearing an old Syracuse college t shirt with amazon boxer shorts, drinking from the water fountain with a plastic up, while they were in head to toe three piece Lululemon (hotty hots, swiftly tee and define jackets) and matching Stanleys. What a world.
The pendulum of tween modesty swings with the unpredictable force of a middle school mood ring. In the beginning of the year they would emerge from their rooms looking like they've joined a particularly fashionable Mennonite sect, with their skirts grazing their knees, and then they discovered the ancient art of waistband rolling, transforming those same regulation-length skirts into what can only be described as decorative belts.
I recently was putting together a box of donations they have out grown and had all these long sleeve one piece bathing suits (which were fantastic for sun coverage) and now they insist that triangle bikinis are “literally what everyone wears” and that anything else is “giving kindergarten vibes.”
Oh and here is “Hair Care” because apparently shampoo and conditioner is not enough these days.
In honor of disoriented adults whose children have mysteriously transformed from sweet elementary students into fashion-conscious tweens overnight I have decided to outsource the impossible task of decoding tween fashion to the experts themselves—my daughters. They have produced a comprehensive shopping manifesto in form of the three collages you see and THIS SHOP!! Godspeed and may you have a few more years until you have to buy a tube top.
As always thank you for subscribing and please send to any friends who needs counsel during this difficult time. Xo
better than teen vogue
This belongs in a magazine! (Though you’d probably have woke parent bashing)